I remember making the call to my friend and mentor, “Here’s what I really want to do, but I just can’t. I don’t have enough experience.” She laughed and replied, “You have more experience than most people I know that have a degree in that. You are DOING it now and you don’t even realize it.”
I was self-sabotaging my success. I was filled with fear of the unknown and self-doubt.
At that moment, I remember all of the self-doubt and negative self-talk that I just wasn’t enough, that I still needed to do more, learn more because then I couldn’t fail.
Why do we self-sabotage our success? Why do we get in our own way and how do we stop it?
This week Dennis Schiraldi and I chatted on our first live show, He Said She Said to talk about this. As usual, some of our ideas are in line, but we also see things a little differently. Here are my thoughts on self-sabotaging our success.
Let’s talk about HOW we self-sabotage.
- Procrastination: We put it off until “another time”. We just don’t want to deal with it right now but will get to it later, knowing full well, we don’t want to deal with it at all! (I know I’m not alone in this!)
- Waiting for everything to be perfect: If this is you and you’re waiting for every detail to be in place, I have something to tell you. You might want to sit down for this. It’s never going to be perfect! There will always be one little detail that just isn’t right…or maybe it’s just an excuse to not do it. *wink* I got you!
- Imposter Syndrome is creeping in: I’m not too proud to share that this one gets me from time to time and it’s what caused me to put the breaks on in the scenario I shared earlier. Imposter Syndrome is when self-doubt gets the best of us and we think that “they” will see right through us and we don’t know as much as we should know. We are a fake, a fraud!! Truth is, it’s just another way to self-sabotage our success.
- Comparing ourselves to others: If there is one thing I wish I could change about social media, it has to deal with this one. Social media is the highlight reel of everyone’s life and business. We show the world our bests versions of ourselves. The problem? We see others and start comparing ourselves to them. We tell ourselves that we should be where they are either in our business or relationship or financial security. Comparing ourselves can lead us down a path of destructive and negative behavior. It can create a feeling of being alone and “not good enough”.
- We don’t take time off: I know this one may sound a little out there, but I do believe by running on that hamster wheel or let’s just say the “Hustle” is a form of self-sabotage. Working hard is one thing, but that belief of never stopping just leads to burnout and self-defeat.
Why do we self-sabotage our success?
During my conversation with Dennis, his viewpoint was that people simply don’t want to be successful, whether that is consciously or subconsciously. I, of course, have a different opinion. I do think they want to fund success but something gets in the way. In my opinion, there are a few things that stop them.
- Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failing and fear of success.
- Self-Doubt We lack the confidence to overcome all of that head trash that goes on inside our brains.
- Modeling We mimic the steps and the actions we learned from our parents, friends, or others who have influenced us along the way.
How do we stop self-sabotaging our success?
If you want to stop self-sabotaging your success then you need to stop, evaluate what you’re doing, and understand why you’re doing it. What need is it filling? Once you recognize whether it’s fear, self-doubt, or modeling, now it’s time to find some positive, healthier solutions so that you can move towards your success.
Take away the excuses. Take away the fear and do it! Nothing is stopping you from finding success so go for it!